From The Road
Letters To
The Horizon
Not travel logs. A collection of places, thoughts and fragments gathered while walking toward somewhere that keeps moving.
The recurring whisper
I think about my personal legend… a lot. What is the reoccurring whisper I hear in my heart, It says, Take the risk, see the world, You’ll figure the rest out, Take the leap, Take the step. So I ponder. Is what I’m working on significant to my soul, Or is it significant to me in relation to the effect it has on others, Could it come with me and be apart of my journey, Growing as I do, Or is it what I latch onto to excuse myself from the risk I am afraid of, What do I fear? These are the real questions, An old soul I already am, Can I get much older, What do I get if I wait much longer, Am I waiting for something? Ideal circumstance? Is this an act of cowardice? Or is cowardice stepping away from the commitment I have already made, One thing is for sure, No matter what happens the next step is to leave. It’s to pack a bag and go, We’ve been putting our body through training for a reason, Every action has a purpose and there is no value to strength unused, Other than one, Security, How foolish of me to believe security exists. I shall die like all before me, How they built their walls, Erected their shrines, And preached their greatness, All to return to the earth from which they came, Now if there name is mentioned it does no more than whittle in the wind, Until that too is forgotten. Security is folly. Do not look for it, You will win and you will lose as long as you live, And if you choose the life of security, Know you are the looser because just like the money you chase your life faces inflation year on year and the time spent is what is decreasing. Yet the value of what remains increases ONLY in It’s value to you.
Putting the timeline to rest
Bear with me, the aim of this is not to fill the timeline with yet another ego trip. Instead, the aim is to make an honest reflection. From a young age, I was the kid who it all just came to. School wasn’t a challenge until the time came when I sat my high school exams, realized I hadn’t paid attention, and next thing you know, I was looking at grades that I couldn't fathom. At the time, what felt like the worst thing in the world would later reveal itself to be a gift. The reality had dawned on me: hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. When you understand your ability to be exceptional, yet you are the very reason that, by all measurable metrics, you are not—I know I am not alone in this feeling. So what does the worn-down genius do? He looks at life as a puzzle. He tries to process it all, assigning quantitative metrics to as many variables as possible in an attempt to synthesize the perfect plan to put life back on track. Forbes 30u30. This has been in my heart for as many years as I can recall knowing about it. I’m 26, and looking in the mirror, I must say it is unlikely. Statistically speaking, it is an improbable feat. A defeat I surely must accept long before its solidification. Who is to blame? None more than myself. To linger on this blame, however, is of no use. These days, I reflect on my mistakes. Free from melancholy, I approach them as a student. And the more spectacular the failure, the better. What may seem a paradox is my classroom. Assuming my life is not cut short, I have this very lifetime I have lived to be done at least twice more. So the question I ask myself is: how will I spend it? A specific answer is something I find very difficult to offer. So instead, I set rules for what not to do. And at the top of this list is to live for the approval, recognition, and praise of others. It is to provide value. To dominate in my own domain of intellectual curiosity. To be a student of life as long as it goes. When there is a dream, do not let others shake it. Grip onto that dream like your life depends on it. As Mufasa told Simba: Remember who you are. In the end, it won't matter if I was a genius or if I was recognized. What will matter is if I tried to be who I envisioned myself as. Did I strive, or did I settle? As J. Cole once said: "Only thing worse than death is a regret-filled coffin." So try before you die, or always wonder what if.
The shield from chaos
I look at my hands and I don't just see my own future. I see the safety of my blood. If I am to work myself to the bone, it’s because I refuse to let the people I love look at the world with fear. I will be the wall between them and the chaos
A Temporary Stay
God or Allah is the name, and peace it shall be. But struggling and fighting will not bring you ease. Do what you can, yet move with the sands, for they are shifting, and you belong to no land. You are a spirit, and your spirit can travel; don't ever take a permanent home, for your home cannot be built of gravel. You are a visitor, this is a temporary stay. Don't even care about what is muttered when they mention your name. Money is the illusion, such a predatory beast. It's how we hunt in this world, confused into thinking it’s what we need— because in a world without currency, they tell us we can't eat. You forget how you got here, how God granted you ease. In a town of skyscrapers, you can't grow berries, and you can't see what He gave.
The Escape Hatch
You must leave this city, it is not good for you this i know. To where I am not sure, will you walk the earth with every passing day I think less. Would this be a good use of your time and resources. Well you are starting from 0 you can always do this later but it will allow you to get some perspective and focus on not only what is important, but what opportunities you have. Fix up focus figure it out.
Players and Watchers
Do not spend your time fantasising, Create the life you wish to lead, The alternate choice is to be painfully comfortable, stagnant in your own filf. Awaiting death, Leaking tears of insincerity for you mourn the life you didn't have the courage to create. All ages have had wise men, great men, and cowards. The class is always full. Do not concern yourself with the classes that have graduated before you. Consuming their winners and losers and drawing judgement. For the watcher has already lost. Remember this they are players and watchers and it is always [better] to be the worst player on the pitch, than the best watcher in the crowd. Life is made to be played, The game is serious it is one of life and death, It costs everything and promises nothing.
Climbing to a dream
I’ll tell you my dreams, When I was young I wanted to be rich, I guess I always associated a certain level of freedom with wealth, I wanted to travel the world. Now today I just want to mean something to someone so I dream of again travelling these people in this country they dont need me, over here we create our own problems because life is too easy, all that is left for us is to climb ranked. Enjoy the benefits of a higher rank and live as such. I need to see the world, if im going to die I would like to know where I lived, who are the people who just like me were born into a circumstance and how do they take it, what do they need, what will help them and do they need my help. Can I do anything for them? This is my dream to answer these questions.
The Domed Cage
I am currently sat in the Central Library of Manchester. I must say I am amazed; the dome has such a power. It is close to silent, filled with students of all ethnic backgrounds, all working in harmony towards one thing: a better them. Surprisingly, I am beginning to feel old in here. Not aged, but old, knowing many of them have just entered the life of an adult, and at this point, I have lived it for a decade. I am excited for them. What will they learn? How will they develop? Who will they be? This could be a good time to think about purpose. The reason everyone here is locked in on their work is because they have a purpose in the current moment. Admirable. What is my purpose? Gone are the days of good grades and finding a good job. I have already accomplished both. A position that one would have thought would bring copious amounts of joy and purpose - yet, to the fault of myself, this doesn't align with who I want to be in the present. Thankfully, I have the power to bend this reality to my will. All it takes is courage. One does not abandon his food without knowing where to hunt his next meal. First, I must scope out the land. For now, I feel as though I am done in the library. I will sign this off, go downstairs, and read my book a little bit before heading home. I'll take my time on this long walk.
The Weight of the Uncarved
The mind is a chaotic country. It mutters, it doubts, it fabricates a thousand reasons to lie still. When I cannot control the direction of my thoughts, I return to the iron. The weight does not bargain. It does not care about my potential, my upbringing, or my inner genius. It simply demands. If the world will not yet respect my words, it will respect my frame. The burden of malleability is exhausting, shifting shapes to match whatever room I walk into. I wish to be solid. Every rep is a strike against the soft, complacent version of me that wants to settle for a comfortable mediocrity. Let the mind scream. The body will execute. We are building an armor here, not just for the flesh, but for the spirit residing within.
The Beginning
So where better to start than now. As of right now I am not feeling like I am living my life. My true life. My destiny still awaits but at my trajectory I'm afraid I may miss it. As a person I am not who I should be and I'm aware of this. My faith in people is small. I rarely feel the warmth of love. I create an illusion of who I am instead of being who I should be. To put it frank — I am a fraud. I don't know when it started. I try to find a specific time in my life where it first began. When I was 14 I had my walls so high up I had built an entire fiction around myself, because I did not want to accept the truth. I just wanted to be accepted. There is a quote I like from St Augustine. "The good though he is a slave, he is a slave to being good, whereas the wicked though he is a king, is a slave. For he serves, not one man alone but as many masters as he has vices." I apply this to my life. I have my vices and they all come with a cost. A disguised cost, hidden in appeal. The never ending game of decisions. Good ones and bad, always awaiting your next move. I try to withhold from my vices but I fail. I am now a slave to them. I must find what type of life brings fulfilment, love and peace. For life requires balance as any man would know, and one without will be wasted. I will study myself across these lines: Health. Relationships. Confidence. Altruism. Social status. Appearance. Habits and vices. Emotional intelligence. Mannerisms and language. Who am I and how am I.