From The Road
Letters To
The Horizon
Not travel logs. A collection of places, thoughts and fragments gathered while walking toward somewhere that keeps moving.
Day 264 - the calm
In this moment I’m laying on the terrace at my hostel in Kutaisi with a kitten sleeping on my stomach. Editing, listening to Frank ocean, enjoying the company of my new friends. Sat in the centre of my peace. I’m learning hope simple it can all be, how little I really need. To be content is to be rich.
Every L is a Lesson
I was travelling to Georgia for a short break from the expedition to rest my body and raise funds for the next leg of my journey. The journey was supposed to take 17 hours. Around 1 a.m. we stopped for a toilet break. After I’d finished, I noticed one of my fellow passengers making his way around the bathroom. He was an elderly blind man. He was slowly feeling his way through the unfamiliar space, unknowingly walking towards an occupied urinal. I gently placed my hands on his shoulders and guided him in the right direction. We couldn’t speak the same language. But in that moment, he had no choice but to trust me. It’s a remarkably vulnerable position to be in. I guided him back out of the toilet and onto the bus, where others who spoke his language could help him further. Eventually, we all settled back down and I drifted off to sleep. Some time later I woke up and stepped off the bus. I had no idea we’d broken down. The first thing I noticed was where we were. The sun was beginning to rise over the Anatolian landscape, and it was breathtaking. Then I looked to my left. The elderly man was standing there too. He was surrounded by a beauty his eyes could never reveal to him. Only then did I realise why we were all outside. The bus had broken down. Strangely, I wasn’t frustrated. Instead, I felt grateful. How could I complain about a delay when I still had my health? During the two hours we waited, I met two men around my age, one a musician, the other an engineering student. We spoke about life and our different paths. I also met a grandmother travelling with her family. In my limited Turkish I explained that I was walking from the UK to Kenya. She smiled, shared some plums with me, and before long we were all laughing together. Eventually we reached Trabzon, where I boarded another bus to Batumi. At the border, my second bus developed its own problems. Another hour and a half disappeared. By the time I finally arrived in Batumi it was around 2 a.m. The apartment I’d booked had gone to sleep. My SIM card wasn’t working. I was exhausted, irritable and unsure what to do next. Thankfully the bus station had Wi-Fi. I booked another place, found a taxi and, after another wait, finally got into bed. The next morning I realised my glasses had disappeared, not my Oakleys 😭 I need them to see. I checked the CCTV. I arrived wearing them. Now they were simply… gone. I searched every pocket, every bag and every corner of the room. Nothing. I began to think of all things to steal, why glasses But what can I do? Nothing. I laughed to the thought that I hope they are useful wherever they end up. accepted the loss, checked out and got on with my day A few hours had passed and i had just checked in to my hostel, There I saw a Software engineer working and immediately my brain went back to the project I’m building. I want to code, I put my Mac near the ladder and climbed down the stairs of my bunk, As I climbed down, in slow motion. I watched it fall. It landed directly on its corner. Before I’d even opened it, my mind raced. The delays. The missing glasses. The cost of replacing everything. How could I have been so careless? Maybe the screen would be okay. I opened the lid. It wasn’t. Broken. For five or ten seconds I just stood there, replaying everything that had happened over the last day. Then an elderly man walked past me in the hostel. He wasn’t the same man from the bus. But he reminded me of him. And instantly, I remembered the blind man standing in the middle of that beautiful sunrise, unable to see any of it. I took a deep breath. Accepted that the laptop was gone. And felt grateful. Because if I am to loose anything, I’d much prefer it to be a thing every single day My glasses. My laptop. Money. Possessions. After 257 days of walking the world, carrying everything I own on my back, crossing countries alone and facing whatever the road has thrown at me, I still have my health. I still have my legs. I still have my sight. I still have the people I love. There have been countless moments on this journey where things could have gone far worse, many I was probably never even aware of. Yet here I am. Healthy. Walking. Alive. Viktor Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” This time, in that space, I chose gratitude.
Time for Georgia
OOOOOOOH I'm looking forward to this one, I'm most excited for two things, Working out, and Working. This isn't a rest trip. I've got goals and I crush my goals. I enjoy my work because it's purposeful. It's the vehicle between where I am and where I'm going. When I start working I fall deep into a flow state and there's nothing I'd rather do. If time/circumstance permits, I have a few things I'd like to do that are unlikely but what the heck here's my unrealistic but awesome if it happens list: 1. MMA in Dagestan 2. Horse riding 3. Do something with East Duo the group that made Chubina 4. Hiking with the little bro 5. I think those 4 suffice
Moving forward - Day 246
10 days ago I was in a hotel, Paralysed by an inability to make a decision, Do I continue as I am? Restructure my approach? Quit? Can I continue as I am? That feasibility report was akin to a pin slowly deepening itself into my skull, I will admit I was frozen from action, How to proceed was beyond me, In the end I decided just proceed, See what happens, This isn't rock bottom, I would know rock bottom, I wouldn't have anything to think about, The decision would be made by circumstance. And I did so, Quickly I was reminded an important lesson, Einstein once said "Life is like a bicycle, you fall of when you stop moving" Whenever I stop, The wave of insecurity against my feat engulfs me, I find myself fighting the waves, The more I resist, The more water fills my lungs, Once I am moving however I float, I progress, Lesson: Keep moving, make decisions when moving, Make decisions from a position of strength, Don't even linger on feasibility in stagnation. It is in the midst of movement where the brain feels most empowered, and in those moments there is no task too big Current status: I walked my way to Gelibolu (ish) couldn't make it by nightfall so I did get a bus for the last bit, Reasoning, I am currently back in Istanbul, In preparation to climb mount Uladag. Before retuning to the road. Do I have questions around fitness, finance and future of course. This is when the 4th F come's in. Faith. You cannot do what I do without it, I know all good that has come to me is deliverence, I don't even know how many bad's I have been saved from, how many cars have missed by 10cm, How many aggressive animals I missed by 5 minutes, How anything can happen, I am thankful for my safety, security, and ability to continue. Moving forward we are climbing now, weather is going from averaging 30 degrees to averaging 35 :/ The challenge is real.
Do I need to restructure
I'm now on my 3rd night and second day in a hotel. I arrived here on day 235 and am leaving on the morning of 238. I have my own calendar. Nice. On day 235 I knocked out, 236 I slept for 16 more hours. 237, I didn't leave. I didn't want to. I had decisions to make about walking the world. Like, Can I walk the world? Is it possible? This wasn't based around me, arrogance aside, I can do anything. but is it feasable? Do I currently have the resources to pull it off? In large part the answer was a resounding NO I have less than £50 in my account for the 3rd time in 3 months, I have spent a week with less than £1. Relative to recent time's this is me up... hahaha maybe i should laugh at it. So I spent my day mostly in deliberation. Of what is to come, and how I can salvage my journey. I came to a conclusion. Abandon walking, Just get to Kenya by any means necessary. This is something I liked while also hurting me, the thing is I like walking, for all it's cons and they do exist, This is my thing, And I enjoy it, Labouring, tiring, repetitive, OF COURSE. Worth it? Unquestionable. I spoke with a close friend of mine, I refer to him internally as the advisor, he never tells me what to do, he just asks questions, This is how advisors should be, He asked, "Can you think of 3 ways to keep going" 3 was a good number, I ran out of excuses by 2 and now I had to think. The truth is it's still doable, I just need to adapt, and keep adapting, Finance exists, I just have to work for it, Compensation received is proportionate to value given. If contributions are on a decline, for whatever reason be it novelty has worn off, That is me no longer living up to my end of the value proposition. Hah Economics and Earl Nightingale both still true even 238 days into a walk around the world! Well Ralph Emerson said "A man is what he thinks about" This is also the secret from "the secret", this is also a part of "The secret to success" by Earl Nightingale. So maybe I need to take a different approach. That is something I can do. Maybe rather than hiding behind money, I have to bring it to the foreground, Shine a light on IT and what i'm doing about IT. Maybe that's the way forward. OK. After all, in healthy relationships Money must be discussed ;) Today morning I will wake up, I will walk myself to vodafone and I will spend on 30gb, I still need internet And moving forward I will restructure and optimise my postings, maybe it's time that the days of just posting my day are behind us, maybe those videos stay, maybe i walk less and edit more, maybe there's a lot of maybe's, what's most important is creating a pipeline to keep my dream alive, maybe I need to push through the absolute shittiest of shit times to show another they too can, I thought of abandoning the walk, Instead I will abandon my fears. Onward. - Swae
What's the difference?
Will power or Ego? Day 237, with 2 hours to leave I find myself asking all manner of questions. These are all based around feasibility, sustainability, fatigue, and the list goes on. What kick started this thought process? I think it's a mixture, Youtube revoking my monetization and having to wait a month and legally register a uk business to continue... a real spanner in the works, I finally had a system that I could of relied on for consistent revenue thrown away. I can't lie to myself, that hurts, it brings a lot of confusion, it's what I was working towards and now... it's a slap in the face. Let's say the quiet part's out loud, My content strategy is failing and I question why I do it. Often times I think that I don't until I remember the video's were never for content. They were for me. Financially, I don't know if I can pull this off, the fatigue of it all is draining. My well has dried up, the days of buymeacoffee are behind me, the paypal support is distant. My own funds depleted, and now my latest source of revenue paused indefinitely. I'm surprised i'm still going, Is it ego or commitment, Will I be proud of myself if I pull it off? or was I just stubborn in not quitting? If someone asks me what's the plan, it get's embarrasing real quick. I suppose this would be easy for me, if not for finance. One thing for sure though, I am not making another video talking discussing circumstance. it's a horrible feeling. Instead maybe I have to look even further inwards, I have to ask the question. What more can I do? Is it time to abandon authenticity? Is it time to dramatise life for viewership? It must be time for something different? What that something is I'll need to think about. If you're reading this, just know. I'm doing my best.
A moment in time
It’s day 233, I left from the beach campsite I spent 2 days on, Yesterday I literally flew. 1000m in the air, Trusting a man I met only the day before with my life, Scared and excited, I spent my time with his family, A beautiful experience. Now I have moved on 6km away, I sit in ücmakdere, It is good I took the time to learn what little I have of Kemal Mustafa Ataturk, I understand the reverence the Turks hold for him, For right or wrong, He fought for them, He was a strong man. I’m here moving around the world, The emotions I go through are intensely grounding, The connections are heart warming, My mental state has reached a state of calm I have never known, Gone of the days of speaking out stimulation or excitement, I have something better, Contentment, connection and novelty. Did I make a good decision to walk the world? I could have done no better, No sooner, no later, No richer, no poorer, Exactly as I am, as it’s been, as it will be exactly how I want it. Everyday someone tells me, If you need anything at all, just ask. I have nothing more to ask of them, the warmth of connection, the bread we break in brotherhood. Unaware they may be. They are doing the work of the world. We are all playing our part, the human experience. A sweet nectar, honey that may never expire this is how I see connection. A calm person may collect it without feeling the sting of the bee, And should I be stung. I know not to blame the hive, I know it is not the nature of the bee, it is merely a moment. One that in exchange for the honey I’ve had can never take away from the sweetness of the honey. I will drink my chai, slowly. Then I will stand, my journey will continue. I am just a man, experiencing the world. I’m glad to have learnt all I have. For those wondering of the nature of our people, I say. “The nature of man (people) is that of a kind spirit. The greatest currency that can be exchanged is a smile. The world is a beautiful place.”
A warm heart
Today’s been an interesting day. Day 228 is in the books, I’m currently in some kids bed, I think he’s been relocated for the night haha, I served my time when I was young it’s his turn 😂 I had a good day by myself for the most part, thinking about who I want to be, how I’ll get there and who the role models of this archetype are. I’m still settled on Uncle Iroh and the prophet Moses. Why them? Why not the prophet Muhammad? Well for me it’s simple. I can never be the prophet Muhammad, to me his life is more like the Quran a book on guidance without flaw. Same for Jesus. Yet Moses, aha my brother had anger issues, argued with god, and never finished his final journey. Now that’s relatable. Iroh? Look at what bro did to Ba-sing-sai, he lost his son and gained another. Who he was a role model for. All by looking inward. I thought of the great examples of men from before my time, How they were not just brutes (though those existed) but they were softer in heart. They would write literature and poetry, they were gentle to those weaker than them, and strong in the face of those who threatened those who couldn’t defend themselves. They spoke wisely while paying attention to the vices that derail man. They were men. I thought of how the idea of a “man” has become so distorted. This idea that men should be dull strong rocks with money and female attention is imo wrong. I prefer the man who can be a warrior in a garden, who plants flowers to admire there beauty, trees such that others can enjoy their shade, And would spend time heeding the whispers of the heart. I am bias, because I spend my time walking towards this. Alas the day continues, I reached tekirdag, I moved through the city reaching a point where I could camp, the sun was setting and my frustration was rising. Exhausted I was, I wanted the day to be done. I couldn’t find a place to sleep. I went to the prayer room to speak with god, And met some brothers there. Shortly after I was enjoying chai and nuts with one of them and his family. Sharing stories through translate with his child, his wife, brother, and mother in law. I was welcomed, this woke me up and made me smile. This was followed by another inviting me into his home, inviting me to do laundry, feeding me, and offering a bed. I went to speak to god in a time of anxt and unexpectedly he delivered. Now I close my eyes to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day
Day 226 - short forms back?
I’m tired, my eyes are stinging it’s almost midnight but The videos out. I enjoyed editing and making that, I have the prior what they want to see. Now to sustain it. Bed time good night
Storytelling lesson 1 Ira Glass
Lessons from Ana Ira Glass 1 Anecdotes, This happened, that happened, I felt like this… Keeps the audience in suspense always, and keeps the mind asking questions that they will naturally assume will be answered anyway 2 Finding the story, knowing what to keep and being ruthless with what you cut. What is the story? Knowing why the audience has tuned in and more specifically what you wish to relay to them. Knowing what to kill in the story, gives the story room to leave. “Know what crap to kill”. Everything is trying to be crap, and you have to be a killer in propping up the story. Being really tough on knowing what to keep and what to let go. You want to put yourself on a schedule where you’re doing enough that luck can find you. “Story telling is about luck” An interesting quote I heard from an expert story teller, even he thinks it’s down to luck??? Aaah it’s about going through the motion and looking for what is so compelling it makes the whole search for IT. Worthwhile. Ok interesting. 3. On good taste “If you make content of any form, it’s because you have good taste. But when you start, what you’re making is not that good, it’s trying to be good. But your taste is still good and you can tell that what your making is still sort of crappy” You can say that again! The good news is he said a lot of people don’t get past that point, they quit. This is good because I don’t quit. The best solution as per Ira. Do a lot of work put yourself in a position so that every week you know you’ll finish one story. I will apply this to my long form content, and be more free with short form as that will naturally catch up to what I learn as I go. - Speak in a way that is most natural 4. Common beginner pitfall Trying to talk like people on the radio/tv, we think this is the way because it’s what we see online. However everything is more compelling when you just talk like yourself. Reminds me of “Be you that’s when your really B-eautiful” Mr Beast (example) is already on the internet they don’t need me to imitate him. What they don’t have is me. A large part of having a good personality, Is not just talking about yourself, You talk briefly and humorously on yourself, then you talk about the other person, and ask questions. Because they’re interested in other people and the world. In a good story you get both, most will be about whoever the main focus of the story is on. Then the writer will also be in there as a clear personality, asking questions, providing an alternative point of view. He’s getting to the good bit, I was wondering what about a first person story and he’s started “What’s interesting isn’t just your take on things, It’s seeing you interact with other people, seeing you process the world through your eyes, Seeing the people/circumstance that you have to deal with. Otherwise there’s no drama. You want the interactions, laughter, tensions, human life. And it won’t work if there’s too much of anyone. Because there’s not enough characters to make a drama. This will be a challenge point for me, because I will need to be able to naturally document conversation or catch moments that compel the audience. The good news is they happen naturally anyway. The challenge is documenting it. That was a good small first study session on story telling. I will be implementing this in my coming videos and we will see how the story develops.