Who Am I?

Who am I? I’ve been making videos for 124 days now with over 150 produced and posted and still I feel tension. I’m not doing this properly. I’m not being me, For all the reasons that a person can imagine not being their full self online. And I could continue, But I’m not interested in that. It’s draining. What do I have to lose? Some followers, some judgment some likes… So who am I? I’m a person that’s been getting it out the mud for a decade. Who has as many flaws as they have merits, Whos heart can both fill a cup with joy and pain. I’m me, I value growth, And this has come to me through discipline, through experience and through time. What I’ve shown feels disingenuous, not because it’s not me, but because it’s the softest most digestible version. Why’s that? Because I’m someone with strong ideals on myself and the world, This is an ever growing circumstance. I dipped into survival, I dipped into they need to like me syndrome, I need to be PG, When the reality is, That’s not me. I’m the same person that can Tell someone I don’t care at all, But I’ll still help you. The same person that can spend the night in intoxication, And the next day cry to my creator. I have strengths and weaknesses, But I’m me. And I love me. So I’ll accept any losses that come from this, In order to be me This journey is about growth, Not content, Frankly content serves two purposes, Documentation for myself my children, and maybe one day others like myself A continuation of what I’ve been doing for years And if I can be supported along the way to help on my journey then I’m grateful. I care not for fame, praise or accolades all of that is ego inflation that risks degradation of character anyway. I’m not Swae I’m swaleh, Just a man. On a mission to become the man I believe God created me to be, This is my journey, If my videos mean anything to you, That’s awesome. If not, I understand